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relationships [09 Jul 2006|06:03pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

ugh.... i've never felt so disappointed...

I sit around and I see people around me make decisions that are best described as convenient.  It seems to me that no one wants to make those calls anymore that require momentary sacrifices or leaps of faith.  Everyone is so content to "let sleeping dogs lie" and to settle for less than they deserve.  It makes me so ANGRY.  I don't understand this urge to just take what you can get.  I know some great people that are in shitty situations because they're afraid to be alone, or because they're holding on to a dream, or they don't  feel that they can do any better.

I feel like people think so little of themselves, perhaps subconsciously, that they feel like they don't deserve happiness, or that they are undeserving of something better.  It's so upsetting to watch friends sit by hoping that things will get better, or going back to people that clearly don't deserve them.

As a friend, I feel like I have an obligation to say something... but how do you tell someone they're only hurting themselves when they have conceded to it and don't care?  It reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie told a fed-up married friend to divorce her husband, only for the couple to reconcile and completely eradicate Carrie from their lives.  I want to say "Why? Why settle for less than you deserve?" but I don't want to fight for some futile cause to only loose out in the end.

I know that some decisions are hard to make, and some come with less than desirable effects.   I've made my fair share.  That being said, I don't think that I could bring myself to just settle.  It's hard to be alone, to watch so many people pair off like they're fucking boarding Noah's Ark.  Everyone looks so happy, but for a lot of those people... what we see is not what actually is.  We don't see the fights, the exasperation, the heartache.  What is it that we (as single people) are jealous of?  It's so easy for us give in to some romantic idea or notion of what being in a relationship is all about.  It makes us desperate, it makes us yearn to feel complete... but I've been in an empty relationship with someone who I wasn't in love with, and someone I had nothing in common with, simply because it was convenient.  I refuse to allow myself to give into that desperation again, no matter how much it hurts to be the third wheel, or to watch people that you care about pair off and be left alone, all by yourself.  It's never an easy choice... but can it be any worse than being in a never-ending limbo of unhappiness? 

I still prefer to wait for the one that will sweep me off my feet.


5 hits| hit me

[14 Jun 2006|08:16pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

SO...  my car was broken into yesterday...
They didnt really steal much... left all the quarters and dimes. They just took 5 cds and two pairs of sunglasses that were in the glove.  Didn't even take the pair of leather gloves and my headset for my phone or the radio, or any other non-mentioned piece of the car.  The damage was unrealistic, since they couldn't just break the window... they had to break the frame too.

I spent all day today trying to get it fixed...
Not fun.  I literaly drove all over the state of NJ trying to find a dealership that had the piece that I needed to replace in addition to the window.  I finally found it in Bloomfield, and took it to the autoglass place and they installed it and the new window....
Prognosis:   The techno taxi cab has been mended.

That is all

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[02 Jun 2006|06:27pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Two things that piss me off:
1) New York Anti-Terrorism funds are being cut by 40% because Homeland Security apparently believes the New York City has no National Monuments or Icons. 

You MUST be kidding, right?!
The WHOLE DAMN CITY is a monument... 

There is a reason people visit the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, The Empire State Building, The World Trade Center site, The United Nations, Wall Street, Greenich Village, Chelsea, TriBeCa, SoHo, Chinatown, Midtown, The Midtown Tunnel, The Holland Tunnel, The Lincoln Tunnel, The George Washington Bridge, The Brooklyn Bridge, The Manhattan Bridge, The Willamsburg Bridge, The Queensboro Bridge, The Tri-boro Bridge, The Staten Island Ferry, The Verrazono-Narrows Bridge, The Gotheals Bridge, The Bronx Zoo, The Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, Rye Playland, Jones Beach, Fire Island, St. Johns Cathedral, The Riverside Church, Coney Island, Yankee Stadium, Shea Stadium, The Subway, Penn Station, Grand Central Station, John K. Kennedy Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Central Park, Castle Clinton, Federal Hall, City Hall, Theodore Roosevelt's Birthplace, Hamilton Grange, Grant's Tomb, The New York Public Library, The Museum of Natural History, The Museum of Modern Art, The MET, The Guggenheim, The Jacob Javits Center, Rockefeller Center, Madison Square Garden, Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center, Radio City Music Hall, New York University, Columbia University, Juliard, Broadway, Off-Broadway, Times Square, go shopping on 5th Avenue, 6th Avenue... obviously, the list can go on. 

If this administration is not willing to protect New York City to the full extent it deserves, a city that is not simply a national monument but an international icon, this administration has no right to utter the phrase "9/11" every time they feel their poll numbers begin to slip. 

New York City is a monument in-of-itself. The whole city is a monument, if not one made of the most recognizable buildings that create the single most recognizable skyline in the world, it is one made of the intangble but omnipresent energy and vitality that has inspired and sheltered countless millions. If that's not worth protecting, nothing is. 

one step forward, two steps back i suppose... 

2)Bush is yet again pressing a Federal Marriage amendment... 
It's not that the amendment is agains gay people that offeneds me. It is the mere notion that the Constitution is the place for discrimination to be written into law. This document is ment to protect the american public... not to repress it. Why is it when so many other "First-World" countries are celebrating the right for all humans to marry equally, and the United States, the supposed beacon of freedom and liberty, publicly and shamlessly discrimiates against it's own people. 


8 hits| hit me

finals... [03 May 2006|02:29pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

One week and two days till i go home... THANK GOD.
I cannot wait to get the HELL out of here and back home.

I miss my fam.
I miss my friends.
I miss the village.
I miss being able to do stuff without having to think about it first.
I miss good clubs.
I miss good music.
I miss good energy.
I miss sane people.


8 hits| hit me

It's a beautiful day [04 Apr 2006|10:07am]
[ mood | Fabulous! ]

This morning has already been one of the most interesting days of the last year...
In order:

  • I noticed I had a package in the mail...
  • I saw Mr. Richard Lemus on TV... and recognized where I've heard the name before...
  • I saw the cutie that smiled at me on the shuttle weeks ago (no I didn't smile back, I was eating)
  • Got the feeling I was raped in Anatomy (but what else is new)
  • I saw Mr Hurricane Jock (whose name shall be withheld to protect his closeted identity)
  • Went back to Pearson and picked up my fabulous package
  • My package was a POLO from the FABULOUS Ms. MOUNTIS!!!
  • ANd I came to the Spectrum office and picked up two free leftover tee's from Winter Party!!!
All this and the day's barely started; it's only 10:19AM!!
It's goint to be a fabulous day...
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recap... [27 Dec 2005|06:20pm]
Well, I figured it's been so long since my last genuine entry, it's time for a good one...

So I’m back in NJ, I’ve been back for a lil over a week now, got back the Sunday before last. It was a pretty good semester, did fairly well with a gpa of about 3.42. I got a B- in orgo, which was my lowest grade. I should be happy, but I feel like I could have done better. Oh well, at least I’m done with chemistry forever! Yay!

Socially, it was a kind of quiet semester for me. I didn’t do nearly as much clubbing as last semester and I was kind of sequestered in my room anyway most of the time. I also feel like I’ve kind of lost touch with a lot of friends at UM, but at the same time, it’s allowed me to look back and analyze who my friends are and the kind of people they are. Some people that I thought were good friends are really now more like acquaintances, and some acquaintances from last year are turning out to be really good friends, and there are definitely some people that I haven’t seen nearly enough this semester and I need to hang out with more.

I had a milestone in my life this semester, my first boyfriend. I don’t feel like going into detail here; it was good while it lasted and I’m glad it happened, but I couldn’t see it becoming a long term thing. It was nice to have the stability of a relationship though, something I look forward to in the future with the right person.

Speaking of, I met someone really, really awesome last Thursday. He’s cute, funny, sweet, and a great dancer. I feel like we hit it off right away and I had a great first time at the Colosseum in Sayreville. We went to go see Brokeback Mountain last night in Chelsea and had an awesome time. I hope we get to see a lot more of each other this winter. ;-)

Not much else to say, I’m looking forward to next semester. See all my Miami people in January!
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I swear, it's a sign... [22 Nov 2005|01:02am]

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.

From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

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dying for rent to come out [16 Nov 2005|04:09pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I think I'm in love... with this song... not that I wasn't always... it's just perfect.

One song, glory...
One song before I go,
Glory... one song to leave behind...
Find one song, one last refrain
Glory... from the pretty boy front man,
Who wasted opprotunity...

One song he had the world at his feet, glory,
In the eyes of a young girl, a young girl...
Find, glory beyond the cheap colored lights,
One song, before the sun sets,
Glory... on another empty life
Time flies, time dies...

One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory

Find glory in a song that rings true,
Truth like a blazing fire, an eternal flame...
Find, one song, a song about love, glory,
From the soul of a young man, a young man...
Find the one song before the virus takes hold,
Glory... like a sunset, one song to redeem this empty life...

Time flies,
And then no need to endure anymore...
Time dies...

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I'm too forward? noooo... [10 Aug 2005|09:22pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Forward

No doubt that you've got game

Just a little too much game for some guys

Maybe it's just that some men like a challenge

Or they think they're not challenging enough for you!

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

hit me

[02 Aug 2005|07:50pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Da1TrUThrT (10:26:43 PM): i know what i'm doing
Da1TrUThrT (10:26:44 PM): lol
Kris10059 (10:26:56 PM): and i don't.. lol
Kris10059 (10:27:05 PM): girls are much harder to figure out, you have to admit
Da1TrUThrT (10:27:13 PM): true...
Da1TrUThrT (10:28:02 PM): in a gay club:
When you see a guy you like, you just go up to him, grab his nether bits, and start making out with him like a pimply faced adolecent
Da1TrUThrT (10:28:16 PM): it's much easier
Kris10059 (10:28:18 PM): lol
Kris10059 (10:29:10 PM): if you did that in a lesbian club, you'd get punched by her butch womens studies girlfriend
Da1TrUThrT (10:29:17 PM): hahahahahaha
Da1TrUThrT (10:29:20 PM): true
Kris10059 (10:31:02 PM): you know it lol

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Something I already knew... [29 Jul 2005|02:19pm]
Today, as I went to my first day of work, I had to go through the World Trade Center Path station in order to catch the my train to Chinatown. It was the first time I've been there since before September 11th. I didn't realize that this would be the first time I've been back there until I was about ready to leave to go to work. It didn't quite hit me though, until The train rushed from Exchange Place in Jersey City to where the Twin Towers once stood in Lower Manhattan. I started thinking about all the people who had taken the Path to work that day. Just another day of work, just another ride on the Path. They never thought that one of their last experiances would be riding a train to work. The train suddenly pulled out into sunlight, into the "bath tub" that served as the foundation for the towers. It wasn't that I was just seeing Ground Zero for the first time, it was that I was actually in it. I had a really good look at the empty basin while the train wrapped around the tub to the Path station. The footprints of the towers were marked off by orange cones... the only current legacy to the buildings that once stood there. It looked like any other construction site, but there was no way to forget what had happened there. I just felt a little uneasy... and sad. The train stopped and I walked up the stairs to church street... going through a walkway that was exactly similar [if not the] walkway that used to be there before, except, it was very different. Instead of opening up into a bustling underground mall, it opened up into air and the corner of Church and Fulton streets. I ran to the subway station... I just couldn't really think about it anymore. Anyway, enough about that...

So I'm currently at work now... I've been doing nothing for the last hour except talking to Kristen 1 because I already finished the task my boss asked me to do, and I have no clue where she went... Loves it.

So concludes my first [and probably only genuine post of this summer].
See my Miami bitches in 3 weeks =Þ...
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Yes, I do believe in Global Warming... [27 Jul 2005|01:27pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

Like seriously... This is the hottest day in three years.. and the heat index is like 110+.  It's like being in Phonix...

3 hits| hit me

It's My Birthday!!! [27 Jun 2005|09:12pm]
It's my birthday tomorrow [June 28th]!!!! So I better be getting some birthday wishes/birthday gifts/phone calls/whatever, just make me feel loved!
1 hit| hit me

[26 Jun 2005|03:35pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]

stolen survey, bold the things you have done...

played spin the bottle
toilet paper someone's house
played poker with money
gone swimming in a white t-shirt
been tickled so hard you couldn't talk
liked someone but never told them
went camping
had a crush on your sister's friend
walked in the rain without an umbrella
told a joke that nobody thought was funny

been in a talent show
started laughing at a bad time
worn something your mom didn't approve of

been to a nude beach
smoked a cigarette
smoked pot
drank smirnoff ice
drank jack daniels
cursed in a church

had sex in a hot tub
wanted to be a chef
been called a slut for kissing someone
burnt yourself with a curling iron/straightener
wanted to be a police officer
dumped someone
been hit on by someone too old
wanted to be a model
bought lottery tickets
made out in a car
cried during a movie
wanted something you couldn't have

had sex on the beach
had the drink, sex on the beach
seen someone shoplift
hung up on someone
yelled at your pet

bought a thong when the cashier was a guy
tried to strip when drunk
gotten seasick
had a stalker
played a prank on someone that had them really scared
been embarassed by your family
felt bad about eating meat
protested something
been to an island
been in love
ate just because you were bored
looked at something everyone thought was ugly and said "aww"
screamed in a library
made out with a stranger (almost, Lester at Fever, lol)
wished a part of you was different
asked a guy to dance
been asked out by a really hot guy

laughed so hard you cried
went up to a complete stranger and started talking
been sunburned

kicked a guy in the nuts for being a pervert
threw up in school
received an anonymous love letter
had to wear something you hated
been to a luau
saw your ex and wanted to kick his ass
cursed in front of your parents
been in a commercial on tv
watched a movie that made you miss your ex
been out of your country
been honked at by some guy when you were walking down the sidewalk
won at pool
went to a party where you were the only sober one
(DD, baby.)
went on a diet
been lost out to sea
been told an extremely stupid line
played truth-or-dare
cheated on your boyfriend
tanned topless (duh)
been attacked by seagulls (they stole my popeye's)
been searched at an airport
been on a plane

been pants-ed
thrown a shoe at someone
broke someone's heart (not that I know of, at least)
sung in the shower
bought something way too expensive
done something really stupid that you still laugh about

been walked in on when you were dressing
ran out of a movie theatre because you were too scared of the movie
been kicked out of the mall
been mean to someone then instantly wanted to take it back
been given a detention on the worst day that you could get one
done something stupid when you were drunk
fell off your roof
pretended you were scared so you could cuddle up to someone
had a deer jump in front of your car
threatened someone with a water gun

can you :
unwrap a starburst with your tongue (blatant advertising)
open your eyes underwater

eat whatever you want and not have to worry (for the most part)
ice skate
sing in front of a crowd
be a bitch at times

do thirty pull ups
walk in really high heels
eat super spicy foods
sleep with lights on

touch your nose with your tongue
fall asleep easily in a car
do the cotton eyed joe
play DDR and not fail
fit in your locker
taste the difference between coke and pepsi
do a split

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aghhhfcuksh*tdammitmotherAGHHHHHH! [20 Jun 2005|05:05pm]
[ mood | emotional ]

Well, the subject line explains it all.  It's been a  l o n g  time since I've sat down and written a meaningful journal entry, and today's no different.  I feel like being ambiguous, so just fuck off [I don't really mean that, I'm just being a lil' emotional].  Actually, I've been feeling really fucking emotional lately, and it sucks.  I can't take it anymore.  I hate being depressed.  I hate being emotional.  I HATE being fucking jealous.  ::sigh::  On top of that, I hate sounding unstable cause I hold it all together pretty well.  Things can just be overwhelming sometimes, and it's hard to keep all that stuff to yourself, especially when you have no one to talk to about it.

On a another note, it's really hard when you care about someone so far away that it's impossible to see them when you want to. Warning: I have low self-esteem, I can be jealous, and I think I'm slightly paranoid [though I realize that warning comes a lil' late], so don't be surprised if I feel inadequate or unsure about myself.  You're so beautiful, inside and out, and it's hard to not think about all those boys trying to take you for themselves, knowing I can't do anything about it, and I can't help feeling like I don't have anything on them that would make it worth waiting for me.  So please just put up with my moodiness.  Remind me why I'm worth waiting for.  =\.

I can't wait for Miami '05 - '06.  Really.

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=\ [02 Jun 2005|09:27pm]
Reply with your name and I'll tell you something I adore about you.
afterwards, copy and paste this into your own journal.
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variations on a quiz... [21 May 2005|08:17pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

The quizzes are under here...Collapse )

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I'm not making it up and I didn't cheat either. =P [09 May 2005|06:44pm]

You Are 100% Skilled @ Blowjobs!

Woo Hoo! You are 100% skilled when it comes to sucking dick. Who could have thought that one person could possibly suck and blow at the same time.

You have got it going on in the tongue tango department.

Your lover is the luckiest man alive.

You know how to handle Mr Happy in every way unimaginable.

In your eyes, the penis is your friend.

You enjoy giving oral sex, and it is without a doubt enjoyed!

How Does Your Blow Job Rate?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
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aww... [09 May 2005|12:20am]
[ mood | artistic ]

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

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home sick... [08 May 2005|04:10am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I can't wait to get home.  It's the only thought that has gone through my mind for the last week.  I NEED to go home.  Don't get me wrong, I love Miami, I love UM, and I love my family here (something I say both sincerely and as a pun), but just need to be back home.  I miss my Mom, I miss Khamille, I miss Kenida, I miss my Shef and the rest of my indians, I miss my tios and my primos, I miss Little Camz, Maria... and well I could go on and on.  I left so much, so far behind by going to Miami.  I don't regret it, because I think it's made me a much better person, and I've really grown and come into my own; but there's just so much that I genuinely wish I never left.  I'm so excited to be going back, something I never really thought I would be saying.  I can't wait to drive by the holland tunnel, or park illegally while waiting for keny or kamz over at Newport.  I can't wait to be back in my home, in my living room, with my mom, and just hanging out, eating popcorn, and watching the sci fi channel.  I especially can't wait to drop by VPA, I miss my drama, music, and art hoes soooo much.  They helped make high school worth the four years when I had no one else, especially Kamz, Denise, Liam, Zooly, Taty, Stephany, Stephanie (Guatamala), Stephanie (DR), Kelly Freeman, Clara, Dona, Shadia, and everyone else (sorry if I forgot your name, but I still probably love you anyway =P ).  I have so many amazing memories of you guys.  I thank God for having known you all.  You all make it worth it to go back to Jersey City.

To my UM family and friends, where do I begin?  SpectrUM, first off, and foremost, for introducing me to the most amazing group of individuals I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.  Jenn and Joanna (since you are one entity), I love you both, Jo, for being the most amazing person, savior of spectrUM, best president ever, and for being so open and welcoming to an intimidated, lost freshman; and Jenn for being so friggen awesome, so much fun to play "never have I ever" with, and for having one of the most amazing singing voices I've EVER heard.  Chris Fisher, chair of OUTspoken, the BEST organization I've ever been a part of, I am SO glad to have met you, and to have become part of the InSaNe Kerry Campaign.  Some of my best memories of Freshman year have been with the Whores for Kerry, out on south beach, and I'm glad that I have you as a friend and I can honestly say that you are one of my best friends in Miami.  Elaine, GIRL you know I love you.  One of the few people I trust to drive my car, and the funniest "woman's studies" major I know.  I had so much fun driving down to miami after winter break with you, and I'm glad we got the chance to bond and become good friends  I look up to you, ironic since normally it's you that's looking up at me ( =P ), but anyway, I kinda feel like you're this big sister that I never had.  Thanks for being there.  Cate, oh Cate, I've loved you ever since COW week and never stopped.  You are such a genuine person, and that is truly a breath of fresh air in what can be a very superficial Miami.  I wish I would have gotten the chance to know you better, but now you're off to bigger and better things.  Good Luck up in Williamsberg, and I expect phone calls! Blake, ohhh future roommie, we've already been through so much and we've only known each other for one semester.  Thank God, you're my roommate, and one of my best friends at Miami, because you mace each day so interesting and unique.  I'm really glad that things have turned out the way they have, cause to have ruined a friendship this good would be a crime.  We are going to have shitloads of fun this semester, yay for summer school at NYU.  We shall club, club we shall.  Dannon, another one of my best friends at Miami, and what a fcuking pimp.  I am going to miss you SOO MUCH, damn you for transfering and going back to Ohio.  I've had so much fun with you, and being friends with you means a lot to me.  We are the shit together, and no one's gonna bring us down.  Remember that I only live a few hours away, and if anything ever happens, you are always welcome in my house.  I consider you fam, and I'm going to miss not having you around and in the apartment next semester.  Good luck, and find some cute Ohio boys for me, since you know we have such similar taste in guys =D P.S., I'll probably be visiting you this summer, and you know why, lol. Kristen Avery, hehe, I love my gay-man-trapped-in-a-lesbian-body best friend, and I've had the time of my life getting to really know you this semester.  Just don't faceplant on the sidewalk again, k?  I'm so glad you live in NY, cause I can come visit your no driver's licence ass in RYE whenever I feel like it (and have the money for gas).  Pride is gonna be fabulous with you, and try and come down to the city as much as possible, then just jump on the path over to my house, I promise, I'll feed you! And we need to go clubbing in the city, 'nuff said.  There are many others that I'm really glad to have known, but it's 5 am and I'm really tired, and I don't wanna just say your name and not tell you how much you mean to me... So i'll just get around to that later or in person.  You all know who you are.

On a lighter note, exams are almost over, only two left.  Manni gets here on Monday, and I'm really excited to be spending time with him here in Miami and on the drive back to NJ on Friday.

For those of you who don't know, FEVER at SoHo Lounge on Wednesday to celebrate the end of the year and Cate DundunDon!'s birthday.

Peace out, Rob

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